Yesterday someone told me how I always seem to have everything under control, am a fireball of energy and just seem to have a perfect life. Clearly this person has not seen me at 8.29am, screaming at the children or running from one place to another trying not to be late for things. It is interesting how we view other people’s lives. It also made me think that there are very few people to whom I would confide in when having a low day. Today I awoke, with a cold, and having had a rubbish night’s sleep, felt generally “argh”. I have so many friends and yet felt lonely with my own company this morning, notwithstanding the beatific smiles from TD. But who did I want to speak to say that I was not having a great day – no-one really. His nibs is busy at work and I do loathe moaning at him. My mum has her own health woes and frankly I am not sure that anyone else would want to hear my whingeing.
I am always happy to listen to other people when having issues or woes and yet loathe telling others that something may be amiss with me and that I do not always feel 100%. Do we all feel like that on occasion? That we do not want to burden our friends with our “chinks” or insecurities? Showing our vulnerabilities is perhaps not a bad thing and it is a shame that I only really show mine to my munchkins and his nibs (when he can bear it!). So next time someone asks me am I okay – I may not respond with my usual ” fabulous” and punch the air with false glee, I might actually say that juggling it all can be hard, that I feel guilty that I am married to a wonderful man but do not give him the attention that he deserves and that sometimes there is not enough time in the day and it is bl**dy hard. And then I will smile and be on my way, having got rid of my negativity.