Monthly Archives: May 2012

Motherhood around the World – Story of Um Ala – a Jordanian mother and breadwinner

Her Dream:

“I dream that all Jordanian women will become entrepreneurs, decision makers, and productive participants either in their homes or in their local economy.”

Why she’s a hero:

Um Ala is a successful businesswoman and mother in Jordan, where female business owners are a rarity. She began her business as a side street vendor, and now owns three small grocery stores. She is her family’s primary breadwinner, and employs both her husband and sons, who support her in her business ventures. She participated in CARE’s business training project in Jordan, and now mentors other women who have joined the program.

A Chat with Hero Um Ala:

What is the POWER Project and what is your involvement in it?

The POWER project supports women who want to create their own small and micro businesses by offering financial assistance through loans. It also encourages these women to save a certain amount of money every month by creating a Savings fund. I have participated in the POWER project since its inception in 2007, where I was one of the first women who got loans and saved money. From 2007 until now, I have taken and repaid the loans on time.

How did you become the owner of a three door supermarket? Please tell us your story.

My story began in 1999. At that time, there were ten people in my household, and we only had my husband’s salary that was about 140 JDs (Jordan’s currency, dinar). My father in law wanted to sell his small store, so I bought it with 300 JDs. I made my money back the first year, and the second year, I made even more profit. Later on, I rented a new store with a larger area, and I was there until 2009.

How has expanding your business affected your family and your relationships with family members?

After expanding my work and having a bigger store, I have less time to spend with my family because the work takes a lot of my time, but I keep trying to balance between my private life and my work life.

What has it been like balancing motherhood and your career as a business owner?

The balance between the roles of mother, housewife and business women is very difficult to achieve, because of physical and mental fatigue. I open my store at 5:30 am, and stay there to 2:30 pm then I go back home to prepare food for my family, clean the house and have some rest. I come back to the store at 9:00 pm and close the store at 1:00 am

Are there any similarities in being a mother and being a business owner?

Yes, I consider my work as one of my children. It requires extra care and attention to grow and thrive. I believe that the mother’s responsibilities are similar to the businesswoman’s responsibilities to a large extent. I can tell you that during the holidays or vacations I miss my store and my work as much as I miss one of my children when he or she leaves.

You now mentor other young women who want to participate in the POWER project. Why did you decide to mentor these young women?

I started mentoring other business women in 2008, and I decided to mentor these women to encourage them to start their own businesses and become participants in the economic life and to increase their families’ incomes.

Are you more of a leader now?

After more than 10 years of continuous work, I feel that yes, I am a leader and I have a high self-esteem.
What are your next plans? Where do you see yourself in another 10 years? I plan to expand my store and increase the quantity of goods.  After 10 years, I see myself owning a big mall in my area

What advice can you give to other business woman who are not accepted or supported in their endeavors?

Try always to have a very high self-esteem, and have confidence in your decisions. In addition, do not let anything discourage or reduce your determination.

Has your role as a business owner, and now a partner with Working Women’s Society, changed how people view you and your status in society?

After the success I achieved, many of my neighbors began to believe that women are able to manage businesses successfully, and that women can be effective in increasing the family income while also balancing her roles as a mother, housewife and businesswoman.

Tell me about your most defining moment(s) in your work—what makes you most proud?

The most defining moment happened in 2009, when I expanded my store for the second time, in that time I owned a 3-door store with a wider area. Moreover, the thing that makes me proud of what I achieved are that I have improved my family’s financially situation, so I was able to buy new home furniture and buy a car, and I do my best to secure all my children’s needs.

What’s the change you’ve been able to instigate that you feel most proud of?

The biggest change was in my mental attitude. I become bolder and more integrated in society. I also became a leader and a decision maker and all of that, because I feel that I am a productive person.
Who inspires you the most in your work?

My husband. He supported me and shared all the chores and the work at the stores with me. He also keeps lifting up my spirit and encourages me to continue in my work.

What is the best lesson or advice your mother (or mother figure) ever gave you?

My mother passed away a long time ago, but I had a neighbor who was much older, and she would encourage me by telling me that by being patient, a person can achieve their dream.
What is one thing that many people don’t know about you?

I am very good at knitting woolen clothes, and most of my husband’s winter blouses are made by me. I am also very good at making pastries.

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Motherhood around the World – the double burden

I have recently been asked by a progressive women’s forum to describe how I juggle career and motherhood. Whilst I give this much needed thought, I shall provide a series of posts of women from around the world doing exactly the same thing but faced with different pressures and hardships – none of which I face, culminating with my own view point as to how I do both.

So in this first post of the series I ask -

HOW DO WOMEN AROUND THE GLOBE JUGGLE WORK AND MOTHERHOOD?

While many consider motherhood one of the world’s most important jobs, women deserve greater recognition for the challenging balance of work and motherhood. What challenges do working mothers face? How does mothers’ work affect family structures? And what systemic changes must be made for moms to get the support they need?

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Online, in cafeterias, in factories and marketplaces—at any moment, mothers across the world are telling each other stories. Often their stories are riddled with questions about everyday coping strategies: “How do I simultaneously raise children, work long hours, and run a household?” or “What time is left for me?” Many mothers feel like they are on duty day and night. [1]

The sense that mothers work incredibly hard is confirmed by global data. Women “spend an inordinate amount of time on the double burden of paid work and family responsibilities”, according to the United Nations.[2]

It’s a worldwide pattern, with women’s total work hours longer than men’s across Asia, Latin America and sub-Saharan Africa.[3] In the developed world the same pattern holds true. In Europe, North America, and other wealthy nations, women spend two-and-a-half hours more than men on unpaid work each day.[4] Additionally, the gender pay gap continues to be a problem, with women earning less than men for the same work in both developed and undeveloped countries.

Access to high-quality, affordable childcare is a top priority for working parents. It’s most available in Scandinavian countries, where gender equality also ranks high. For mothers living in countries without supportive policies, quality affordable care is often out of reach, particularly for low-income single moms.

Take, for instance, the United States, where the number of households headed by single mothers has risen dramatically over the past four decades.[5] Many of these moms stay home full time, not out of preference, but because childcare costs would eat up most, if not all, of their earnings in the absence of subsidized care.[6]

Will mothers “go on strike” and stop having babies?[7] It’s actually happening in Japan, Korea, Italy, Spain, Greece and other societies where tensions over the changing roles of women and the economics of families have yet to be reconciled.[8] Mothers are also penalized when they compete for work with childless women.  In one US study[12] researchers submitted fake resumes for two equally qualified candidates–one childless, one a mom.  They found the mother was 100% less likely to be hired when she applied for a position, and consistently ranked as less competent and less committed than non-moms.

What hasn’t changed is that women’s contribution to global productivity continues to be grossly undervalued worldwide.  Women’s unpaid work at home and outside the home contributes a staggering one third of the world ‘s GDP by one estimate.[9]

Even as the mamas of the world struggle, global leaders are belatedly recognizing that investing in them is a win-win proposition.

Michelle Bachelet, ex-President of Chile, is now championing their cause[10] as the head of UN Women. Bachelet, a single mother of three, has added the double burden to her equality agenda.[11]

With these disturbing realities in mind, the old adage “A mother’s work is never done” bears more truth than it should.

An article taken from the International Museum of  Women – Motherhood around the World http://imow.org/home/index

[1] Sleep Medication: Mother’s New Little Helper, New York Times, Accessed 10 November 2011

[2] The World’s Women 2010: Trends and Statistics, United Nations Statistics Division, Accessed 10 November 2011

[3] The State of the World’s Children, 2007, Women and Children, The Double Dividend of Gender Equality, UNICEF, Accessed 10 November 2011

[4] Women Lead in Unpaid Work, Economix Blog, New York Times, Accessed 10 November 2011

[5] U.S. Children in Single-Mother Families, Population Reference Bureau, Accessed 10 November 2011

[6] The Three Faces of Work-Family Conflict: The Poor, the Professionals, and the Missing Middle, Center for American Progress, Accessed 10 November 2011

[7] Mommy’s on strike? Working Moms Break, Blog by Katrina Alcorn, Accessed 10 November 2011

[8] No Babies? Russell Shorto, New York Times, Accessed 10 November 2011

[9] Invest in Women – It Pays! Women Deliver, Accessed 10 November 2011

[10] Michelle Bachelet at the ILO Conference: The elimination of gender discrimination is a matter of “smart economics”, ILO Press Release June 10, 2011, Accessed 1 November 2011

[11] Beyond the Gender Gap: Latin American and Caribbean Women in Search of a New Balance, World Bank Press Release on Study Launch with the Participation of UN Women Executive Director Michelle Bachelet, 25 October 2011, Accessed on 22 November 2011

[12] The Motherhood Penalty: Working Moms Face Pay Gap Vs. Childless Peers, Bloomberg Businessweek, Accessed 10 November

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Behind closed doors – no-one really knows – the truth about PND

I have been reading about Felicia Boots this week with a great sense of sadness and sympathy.  The loss of two small children is an awful thing and I am usually at one with the voices who are outraged when small lives are lost in awful circumstances. But having suffered heinous post natal depression (PND)  following the birth of my daughter, I understand the sheer pain and isolation a mother can feel and how desperate one can be.  Whilst I never came close to where Felicia must have been, I recall never wanting to getting dressed, crying intermittently and feeling that I would never have control again. Second time round is a vastly different story for me and having been there and done it once, have felt, to the extent one can, in control but after Princess A, I really was in despair and did not let anyone, even his nibs help me. On the surface, as with Felicia Boots, all was fine – the world never knew and yet, in my heart, I felt a constant sickness and a feeling that things would never be the same again and felt that for at least 13 months.

I remember someone telling me that professional women who had children at a later age had a greater proclivity to PND than other mothers – I am not sure that is necessarily true.  Whoever you are, becoming a mother is such a life changing event that PND can affect anyone, at whatever age. Granted, I had been marvelously selfish and had a great career and suddenly I was dictated by the needs of small being who I could not understand.

I do not know what Felicia went through and the abject misery that made her suffocate her children. It is so sad that it was not identified sooner but with everyone so desperate to show that there are no chinks in the armour and that life is perfection, one cannot always see these things.  In front of the world, all can be normal but behind closed doors, there can be pain that is inexplicable and whilst I am so sad for Felicia, her husband and the babies that never really saw life, I am pleased that I somehow pulled myself together and now look at my children with tears of love and joy and not sadness or resentment.  What I do know is that many women do suffer from PND and that sadly budget cuts for post natal care means that such matters are not being identified as much as they should be.  PND really must be taken more seriously.

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Not racism – merely fact..

So again another Asian gang has been found guilty of grooming and “trafficking” young women – mostly non Asian. Whilst I have no sympathies with the British National Party and their view on this situation, there does seem an intrinsic issue with regard to Asian (mostly Muslim) men grooming young girls and trafficking them in the community.  I refer to my previous article on this – http://sharonbenningprince.com/articles-events/home-grown-trafficking/ where I note that home grown trafficking gangs are becoming somewhat prolific.  Even Asian community leaders are noting that there is a cultural dichotomy within the community and the treatment of women.   The article below by Nigel Bunyan provokes certain thought and this is an issue that needs to be objectively reviewed without the mantle of racism confusing the matter.

As an aside but related point, I am also pleased and privileged to have been asked to be a co-producer on a UN anti-trafficking film - a hope that more awareness will be raised. And I also salute Chris Hurrey who recently gave a series of talks on border issues, including trafficking –  to audiences on their cruise ship holiday - not light after-dinner entertainment certainly but a brave and again awareness raising task – thank you Chris.

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Nigel Bunyan, The Telegraph – 8th May

In recent years police forces and social work departments across Britain have   generally failed to tackle it for fear of being seen as racist.

Instead, they have cited official figures that paint a more generalised   picture of sex gangs springing up in a variety of ethnic communities.

But the reality is that in pockets across Britain vulnerable white teenagers   are being groomed and then trafficked to satisfy the cravings of Asian men,   the vast majority of them Pakistani.

Experts in the field point out that in general white paedophiles operate in   isolation. The new, Asian-led grooming is being done mostly by large numbers   of men acting as a group.

Such men regard their victims with contempt – “easy” girls, often in care or   on `at risk` registers, whose early isolation from school and family has   already turned them to drink, drugs or both.

One of the men on trial in Liverpool summed up this attitude when he said:   “You white people train them in sex and drinking, so when they come to us   they are fully trained”.

Like others in the gang, he saw nothing wrong with plying victims with drink   and then forcing them to have sex. As he told Girl A: “I gave you vodka, now   it’s your turn to give me something”.

Others have told their victims it is alright to sleep with them “because it’s   what we do in our country”.

Nazir Afzal, the chief prosecutor for the CPS in the North West, happens to be   a British-born Pakistani. He was also the man who reversed the original,   flawed decision not to prosecute two members of the gang in 2009-2010.

His team has dealt with a number of Asian-led grooming gangs in the past, and   there are two more trials scheduled for later in the year.

But of the Liverpool defendants he insists: “These men are not defined by   their race; they are defined by their attitude to young girls. They almost   feel they have a right to control these young girls because no one else   will.

“But they do it for their own nefarious purposes. These poor girls are evil   prey for evil men”.

Mr Afzal suggests that young Asian girls may also be suffering abuse but feel   unable to report it.

Ann Cryer, the former MP for Keighley, who first came across the issue nearly   a decade ago, believes the practice of arranged marriages may also have a   bearing on the issue.

This, she says, is because such marriages often involve the arrival in Britain   of young, uneducated young men suddenly transplanted from remote villages in   Pakistan.

While the age of consent is the same in Pakistan as it is in Britain, girls   can be marry in the former as soon as they reach puberty.

Immigrants from elsewhere in the world – Ireland, Italy, China and Poland, for   example – have tended to marry within their own settled communities.

But among Pakistanis there is still a pressure to find future partners in the   subcontinent.

Mrs Cryer said: “I understand the Koranic advice on arranging marriages, in   other words that the young men and women involved should be appropriate.

“But when you start bringing young people in from Pakistan who perhaps haven’t   been to school, have no English, have led very sheltered lives in Pakistan,   and then you bring them over and expect them to have a successful marriage,   well it’s not working.

“Perhaps it’s time for the Pakistani community to spend time in seeking out   appropriate Muslim partners within Britain.”

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Leaving Britain

So I read that 42% of Britons would “seriously consider” emigrating; 6% are “actively planning or considering. 52% see the cost of living as a reason to move abroad while 37% say the weather.

His nibs and I often flirted with the idea of moving abroad but having done a few short stints of work in foreign climates, one office certainly looks the same, whatever country you are in!  However this last week again, I have been getting itchy feet.  The weather has been awful and I saw pictures of friends in Oz looking relaxed, hiking and biking near still waters and my first thoughts were – get TD a passport, sell house, cash-in and up sticks and go to ………. but where? So this is the quiz game that his nibs and I played for a very long time and our choices of living abroad destinations became fewer and fewer.  Whilst Europe is perfectly lovely, his nibs would certainly not want to learn another language and whilst France, Spain or Italy may seem attractive, every indigenous person of those countries does not really seem to be that enamoured by the economic reality of those said countries and I can only stand so much bureaucracy of having to get things done!

So further afield.. the USA, Canada – yes these were always in our top 5 destinations and pre-kids were attractive countries, especially the USA but yet so far away from family and friends and also becoming horribly expensive. What I do still love about the USA is that you can really still achieve there and that ambition is not a dirty word as at times in can be construed to be here in the UK. But then do I want Princess A to become a 90210 brat?

Argh so around the globe we go…. India – crazy – Oxford Street on Christmas Eve every day – even that would be too much for me. China.. no the language thing again. Australia and NZ – also getting pricier and we would never see my friends and especially my family given my father finds it hard enough to get in the car to come up the M3!! The middle east – in seriousness – his nibs has been suggesting Lebanon. He has family there – it is party central but I am not sure. So round and round the globe goes and we come to…… that small island where my grandparents trekked to back in the 60s and where his nibs’ Lebanese grandmother came a year after the second world war.  England oh England – you do have your faults but I suspect it is much like any other country in the world. The weather can be rubbish, life can be hard it seems but not any more so than anywhere else in the world. Going on holiday is one thing but reality is another. People I know and love are here - and it becomes harder after children as you want to be close to family and the children become settled and happy in their lives. Also I am familiar with England and its foibles and I really would not want to swap my office overlooking the garden – well maybe for one overlooking the sea.  That being said, Princess A and TD love the outdoors and with Princess A’s imminent volleyball trial I may yet be trawling the world after her. But in truth, I love England although on occasion do agree with the 11% who think that “British people” are a good reason to leave Britain!! But even that, for me, is not enough to entice me away.

Are you part of the 42% ? – comment and let me know. Upping sticks or like to stay put?

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